I watched the Olympic closing ceremonies…

This morning I’ve had a ton of coffee and it’s barely 10am. It happens sometimes. I took the day off to get back in to the swing of things in this post-Olympic world in which we live in. I have no doubt it’s much harder for my local newscasters to head back to their pointless daytime “talk” shows than it is for me to actually have to endure the fact those even exist. What is this a cable access channel in 1986? You’re an NBC affiliate, get your shit together. Believe me, the endless hours of beach volleyball coverage was way more interesting than how to give yourself a fall makeover (wishful thinking) or how to give yourself a spa day at home (aka make a giant mess).

Anyway, back on track. (Insert your own Olympic joke here) Just like millions, billions even, I watched the Olympic closing ceremonies on Sunday. How could I not? One Direction AND a Spice Girls reunion? What lottery did I just win?! Like everyone else, I took notes and I’ll share those notes right now.

  • One Direction: yes please. If you don’t like the catchy qualities of What Makes You Beautiful, I can’t even be mad. I just want to know how you do it. I’m 25 and when I heard it, I was instantly like damn straight that’s what makes me beautiful. 
  • John Lennon segment: SO MANY FEELS* The children and then they built his head out of puzzle pieces. So, so many tears. 
  • George Michael: More like why isn’t this a performance by Wham!? Was Andrew Ridgeley busy? Did you not want people saying “orange mocha frappucchinos” or starting gasoline fights like in Zoolander? Ryan Seacrest even mentioned Wham! He gets it. It was probably his favorite band in the 80’s. 
  • Ryan Seacrest: Please be quiet. Just stop talking. 
  • Why is London celebrating their fashion designers? I don’t think using models with scandals really makes me think “oh yeah FASHION” No wonder David Bowie declined to perform. 
  • American women athletes had cute dresses but those hats look like they came from my grandpa’s closet. 
  • I appreciate trying to do a cover of Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd, but when it includes some guy I’ve never heard of and a member of Genesis that isn’t Peter Gabriel or Phil Collins, I don’t get it. I know Peter Gabriel is too good for that but Phil Collins is not. 
  • OH NO Russell Brand. You are not singing Pure Imagination right now. It didn’t end there. He went right into singing the Beatles which if you didn’t hear it sounds as bad in writing as it did in real life. There was also a rave happening at the same time. 
  • Fatboy Slim came out of a bus transitioned into a giant inflatable octopus. I guess that’s a thing. I’m a little disappointed the dancers didn’t bust out the dance sequence from the prom scene of She’s All That. 
  • Rolls Royces came out and were hiding performers I’ve never even heard of. 
  • They then performed a weird cover of the Bee Gees adding rap into it. I am not a Bee Gees super fan but I’d say it was bad and unnecessary.
  • NBC finally figured out Katy Perry had a song mentioning peacocks only I don’t exactly think that’s the kind they are trying to promote..
  • SPICE GIRLS: I honestly thought I wouldn’t care. I stopped listening to Spice Girls before the 90s even ended but oh my god. Those mini coopers and updated outfits of their old costumes were great. Victoria still doesn’t even think she has to dance or look like she’s ever having fun. She is just fierce. 
  • Beady Eye performing Wonderwall. I had so many feels. If 12-year-old me knew I’d still love that song at 25 she would probably think “yeah. I know it’s a great song.” 
  • Was there really a need for a comedic section with a soundtrack by ELO? Oh, it has Eric Idle? Carry on. 
  • I didn’t know who Jessie J was the first time but she came back to perform with Queen. Honestly, I would have rather they gathered up the footage from the end of The Mighty Ducks where they are singing We Are the Champions and played that on a loop. 
  • The whole tribute to Greece and Olympic tradition is great. I still can’t believe people on the internet think the Olympics is a new thing just started this year. 
  • The London flame is the most badass Olympic flame I’ve seen in my lifetime. 
  • Athletes waving at the camera and showing off their medals is the most annoying thing I’ve ever seen. Quite honestly, if I was in the center of all that action I’d be soaking in as much of that moment as possible. 
  • When national anthems are performed by a symphony it’s like a magical patriotic ballet.
  • Commentators have clearly graduated from the Captain Obvious School for Special Events. If I’m seeing it on the screen, you probably don’t need to tell me what I’m seeing. Anyone not paying attention clearly wasn’t interested in the first place.
  • Oh Pele is still alive…
  • Fireworks are awesome.

All in all Olympic coverage was a delightful vacation from real life filled with daytime soaps and court shows. To be frank, they could have left out the preview episode of that “comedy” and just went straight to the after party coverage with The Who. Screw the after party. Just show The Who. The London 2012 games will be one of the most memorable in my mind. Probably for the sake that I actually understood and knew people performing during the closing and opening ceremonies.

So I wish you good luck, Rio. May the odds be ever in your favor.

*Feels is internet speak for feelings. Just in case you don’t frequent Tumblr 15 hours a day. 

Oh and hey, people who may be leaving comments on my blog. Don’t put URLs or I will never get to see your comment…